


Hollowed Out

by InsaneAndHappyAboutIt



Series: Self-Destructive [3]
Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: Bruising, Drunk Driving, Dubious Consent, Feels, M/M, Rough Sex, Smut and Angst, blowjob
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-04
Updated: 2018-03-04
Packaged: 2019-03-27 02:07:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13870830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsaneAndHappyAboutIt/pseuds/InsaneAndHappyAboutIt
Summary: Takes place after S5E10 but before the end of the season!!!"It had been a shitty day with the usual gang violence and tensions which were commonplace for men of his ilk but it wasn’t nearly being gunned down or run over which had him craving the release of alcohol. It was something far more personal and insidious, something he couldn’t control. It was love."





	Hollowed Out

**Author's Note:**

> So this is the third story in the Self-Destructive series and it's a doozy!... The more I try to stir it towards a happy ending the more depressing it becomes so at this point I'm stirring into the skid.... We'll see where we'll end up crashing later, right? XD
> 
> Have fun reading!!!

Chibs nursed his third drink of whiskey. He wasn’t much of a drunkard, that is compared to some of his patch brothers, but tonight he felt like he needed to numb his thought a little. It had been a shitty day with the usual gang violence and tensions which were commonplace for men of his ilk but it wasn’t nearly being gunned down or run over which had him craving the release of alcohol. It was something far more personal and insidious, something he couldn’t control. It was love.

He’d learned long ago what a cruel bitch mother love could be and he’d vowed to never put himself in such a vulnerable spot again. His modus operandi had been to shag and leave and it had served him well but here was another thing he’d learned about love. It was a destructive force which did whatever it wanted and ruined whomever it came across. There was no winning, just surviving without becoming a casualty. On second thought he downed this drink like the other two and started in on the fourth.

The other MC members were having a good time and the music was blasting while they exchanged dirty jokes and friendly insults. A gaggle of crow eaters were hanging around, eager to catch the attention of the members. They were especially desperate to prove themselves to Jax, a renowned sex god among them, but Chibs knew they were barking at the wrong tree. Jax had Tara and now he had Juice. The whiskey turned sour on Chibs’ tongue.

Ever since he’d come across Juice in the forest all those weeks ago after his failed suicide attempt the lad hadn’t been the same. There was a deadness in Juice’s eyes which terrified Chibs and every time he thought the biker was getting better he did something reckless. It was like Juice was courting Mister Mayhem and Chibs knew it was only a matter of time before Mayhem returned the favour. At the rate Juice was going it would be a short time too. Chibs had promised Jax that he’d set the Puerto Rican on the right path but he was beginning to lose hope.

He and Juice were close, or at least they used to be. Ever since the kid had been a prospect he’d taken a shining to Chibs and somewhere along the way he’d grown fond of the wide eyes and eager smile. They’d become best friends and in due time secret lovers but it had never been anything more than casual sex. At least that’s what Chibs kept telling himself but once more that bitch love had to intervene. He couldn’t say when, but Chibs had fallen in love with Juice though he’d never let it show. Maybe that’s why he’d been so pissed off when Juice tried to kill himself. It wasn’t only out of respect for the SAMCRO’s code of honour; it wasn’t even because the show of cowardice pissed him off. The fury which had swept over him had been visceral and intense and after some contemplation he’d been able to pinpoint the source. His heart knew the truth before his mind.

But after the incident Juice began to withdraw into himself and it looked to Chibs as if the lad was deliberately avoiding him. Even when they were together their conversations seemed forced and where once they would have fucked with wild abandon for hours on end now Juice sought him out sporadically. Chibs could see the Puerto Rican fade before his very eyes and he felt powerless to stop it. He’d even tried asking Jax for advice but that was another problem. Jax was going through his own transformation and Chibs didn’t like where that was going either. With each passing day Jax resembled Clay more and more in cruelty, meanness and power-hunger. At this rate the club, his home and family would be torn apart at the seams…

Whenever Chibs mentioned Juice around Jax he caught sight of a strange glint in the MC president’s cold blue eyes. He nodded in sympathy but there was no sincerity to it. It was as if Jax was happy to see Juice unravel though he did look nervous when Juice was reckless while on one of their ‘business meetings’.  Chibs couldn’t begin to figure out where this vindictive streak came from and the one time he hinted at it, Jax shot him down mercilessly. Chibs got the message. What Jax did with Juice was none of his business and to get involved was to risk becoming a name on Jax’s black list. He’d seen what happened to those names and he wasn’t eager to join them…

At first Chibs assumed it was a brotherly squabble but then he started paying closer attention to the two and how they interacted. Whenever Jax was around, Juice clamped up though he obviously tried to hide it. Really, Chibs noticed the change only because he knew Juice so well. He’d have difficulty meeting Jax’s eyes and his shoulders adopted a defensive slump. Then Chibs noticed something else. Sometimes Jax gave Juice a look and a nod and he’d disappear a minute later. Sure enough Juice would follow after a while and Chibs had the sinking feeling he knew what those secretive disappearances meant. He and Juice used the same signals when they were jonesing for a quick fuck in one of the back rooms.

He’d chucked it up to a onetime thing at first but when it kept happening there was no denying the ugly truth. It wasn’t like he was jealous. He and Juice were just casual fuck buddies, even if he would have liked a deeper commitment, but every time Juice returned he looked even deader than before. Whatever Jax was doing with him was not enjoyable for the Puerto Rican and Chibs could practically see a piece of him falling away every time Jax gave him that tell-tale nod. Almost every time the two went to the back Chibs would get a knock at his apartment door later in the night and open up to find Juice. They fucked and it was good but as time passed Juice became wilder and demanded Chibs to be rougher with him. Even during sex the kid was looking for a way to self-destruct and Chibs was afraid that if he didn’t comply he would lose Juice forever.

He’d followed Juice and Jax to the back only one time, keeping a stealthy distance so as not to be seen. He’d parted the door and what he’d seen made his insides go cold. Jax had Juice up against the wall and he was thrusting up into him with enough force to make the other man cry out. Juice had to bite into his own hand to stop from making too much noise. Jax was vicious and he clearly didn’t give a shit about the fact that Juice was sobbing through the pained groans. He was grabbing Juice’s hips with bruising force and sinking his teeth in the shivering skin with enough viciousness to draw blood. If Chibs didn’t know better he would have immediately jumped to the assumption of rape. Even so he was tempted to call it that.

Juice gave a sob and his eyes rounded to where Chibs was standing. Jax had his back turned to the Scotsman and was unaware of his presence. Chibs knew he should leave before that changed but the desperation in Juice’s eyes had him petrified. He didn’t know why the kid was so scared, of Jax or because Chibs was witnessing whatever this was between them. On instinct his mouth opened and he nearly gave himself away but Juice shook his head and his jaw snapped back shut. Juice didn’t want him to intervene. Maybe this was to protect him from Jax’s anger or because he was on board with the punishing treatment but Chibs couldn’t take it anymore. He’d quietly left himself out and refused to look at Jax or Juice for the rest of the day.

Later, as predicted, Juice turned up at his doorstep like a stray. Chibs had been waiting and he’d been ready to turn on him, to demand answers but after seeing the hollowness in the lad’s eyes he forgot all about that. He’d opened his arms to Juice and they’d made love. He’d been gentle but possessive, letting Juice know that he cared despite catching that freak show earlier. In turn Juice cried his heart out and kissed Chibs over and over, drawing him close against him with every chance he got.

Chibs understood his role perfectly. He was the healing salve to Jax’s wounding knife. He and Juice never spoke it out loud but every time the Puerto Rican sought him out, Chibs held him and comforted him and fucked him to an uneasy sleep. That became their ritual and he was aware that Juice was dependent on him to function. Chibs was desperate enough to be with Juice that he didn’t stop it, as wrong as that was.

He shook his head as the haze of alcohol began to tickle at the edges of his consciousness. With some difficulty he tore his eyes away from the hallway which led to the back rooms. Juice was there….with Jax. He’d seen the two leave after the party got properly unleashed. Seeing Juice’s defeated march, as if he was going to his own execution, made Chibs want to rip the room apart but he knew he couldn’t do that. He couldn’t out Juice like that to the club. Chibs doubted they’d have much of a problem with it, especially if he backed the lad up but it was one of those things which was just not mentioned. Furthermore, challenging Jax now was suicide. By this point he was Clay in all but name and Chibs didn’t doubt Jax would order a hit on him if he crossed the line. So much for brotherhood…

‘Feel like sharing some of that with me brother?’ Chibs glanced up at Bobby who pointed at the bottle of whisky in front of him.

‘Help yourself.’ Bobby took a seat and did just that, refilling Chibs’ glass too while at it.

‘So what are we drinking to tonight?’ Chibs summoned a thin smile though it didn’t reach his eyes and was silent for a moment.

‘How about to never being stupid enough to fall in love.’ Chibs regretted the words as soon as they were out of his mouth but it was out there now. Fuck, he’d had too much to drink.

‘Dark but if that’s your wish then cheers to that.’ Bobby took a mighty swing and banged the empty glass on the counter. Chibs was more reserved with his cheer. ‘So, who is this unlucky broad who has you twisted in knots?’ Chibs smirked, holding back from correcting Bobby’s mistake.

‘She’s someone I’ve known for a while and I thought we were close but now I’m not so sure. I feel like she’s slipping through my fingers you know? Doesn’t help that she has some action on the side.’ Bobby whistled and poured himself another drink.

‘Well if she’s so important then why not just knock the other guy’s teeth out? If you need back up I’m pretty sure the guys will help.’ Chibs shook his head.

‘Not an option. He’s a powerful player and I think he has something on her.’

‘You mean he’s blackmailing her? For sex? That’s fucked up.’

‘Aye and I can’t do anything except deal with the broken mess after.’ Chibs fell silent and Bobby glanced around, very uncomfortable with the direction of this conversation. Clearly he hadn’t expected to be dragged into Chibs’ personal life when he approached the biker.

‘Did you talk to her? Let her know how you feel I mean? Maybe she doesn’t know you like her.’ Chibs didn’t say anything to that. What could he say? Bobby wasn’t wrong but Chibs was still not ready to say the L word out loud and mean it like that to Juice. Maybe that’s why he’d been so angry at Juice’s cowardice, because he was a lily livered chicken himself.

‘It wouldn’t make a difference.’ Before Bobby could add anything else, Chibs finished his fifth drink and stood up on unsteady feet. He wanted to get away from the clubhouse and the loud music and the sight of that corridor. He didn’t want to see Jax or Juice because he didn’t know if he could stop himself from attacking one and killing the other. ‘I think I’ll call it a night. Thanks for the talk Bobby and I trust you to keep it to yourself.’

‘Sure thing brother but are you okay to drive home?’ Chibs was probably far from that but he lived close by and he felt like talking a page out of Juice’s book. He felt like doing something reckless.

‘I’ll be fine. See ya tomorrow.’ Bobby stood up and they hugged like brothers should before Chibs  got the hell out of there. He faintly heard Tig calling after him but he didn’t turn back.

***

Chibs was drunk. He hadn’t been this pissed since he’d gone out with Tig. That guy had serious problems but keeping his liquor was not one of them. Chibs had led down his countrymen and he’d suffered for it with the worst hangover of his life the next day. Juice was the one to nurse him and take on most of his work so he could sleep off the headache. He’d made sure to bring Chibs plenty of water and painkillers and that was probably the day he’d began falling for him. It was a stupid thing to remember now of all time and the biker hastened to bury the memory deep, deep down.

As if on cue, there was a knock at his door and Chibs glared daggers at the wood. He was tempted, oh so tempted, to ignore it. He felt like shit and he wasn’t in the mood to be Juice’s band aid. There was another knock and Chibs detect the hesitancy. He could picture the lad on the other side of the door, starved for affection while beginning to fear that Chibs was turning his back on him. The softness of the knock really got on his nerves. The Juice he knew would have banged on the wood until Chibs answered. This pussyfooting shit was plain wrong. He strode to the door and swung it open so suddenly Juice stepped back in alarm. Chibs looked ready to hit him but Juice had the defeated look of a whipped dog.

‘Sorry Chibs. I didn’t realize you wanted to be alone tonight. I’ll just go…’ Juice looked at his feet and turned tail, ready to leave but Chibs instinctively reached out and grabbed his arm. He dragged Juice inside and shut the door behind them.

‘Why do you keep coming back? Is Jax not enough for you? Are you such a slut that you need two cocks inside your ass to be satisfied?’ Chibs didn’t know where this cruelty was coming from but it was like a tap turned inside him and the torrent was flowing now. He doubted he could stop it if he tried. Juice backed away from him until he pressed against the door, wide eyes darting from side to side, looking for an escape.

‘It’s not like that man…. Jax and me, we’re not… You don’t know what’s going on.’

‘Then tell me!!’ Chibs’ voice boomed and Juice flinched as if he’d been physically struck.

‘I can’t…’ Juice whispered while tears gathered at the corners of his eyes. It pained Chibs to be the source of those tears but he was tired of having his chain yanked. He’d reached his limit and Juice would have to make a choice. Either he came clean to Chibs and trust that he would understand or he continued to hide and Chibs would cut him loose. They were at a crossroads and it was up to Juice to choose the right turn.

‘Is that your final answer then Juicy? I won’t ask again but I won’t open the door for you either. So what’ll it be?’ Juice whimpered but Chibs was adamant in his decision. He wouldn’t be persuaded by pity even though his heart felt like it was crushed in a vice like grip.

‘I can’t… Please don’t make me choose. I need you Chibs, please…’ Juice might as well have sucker punched him. Apparently whatever secret the lad was holding so desperately onto was more important than him.

‘Sorry laddie but you already made your choice. I hope Jax makes you happy.’ He put as much spite into his good wishes as he could, feeling the venom of his words corrode whatever good feelings he had for Juice. He was completely uncaring to the stream of tears falling heavily down the biker’s cheeks.

‘Don’t-...’

‘Get out Juicy before I do something I’ll regret.’ The tone of his voice was deadly low. He sounded the same when he was about to kill someone and Juice was all too intimate with the unspoken warning. He didn’t think for a second Chibs would end his life but he’d recently discovered there were things so much worse than death out there…

‘Fine, hurt me if you want but I’m not leaving.’ He had no idea where the bravado was coming from but he grabbed hold of it with both hands and used it like a shield.

‘Juice-!‘

‘I’m not going!’

With a growl Chibs was on him and Juice met him without restraints. Their mouths clashed in a fiery battle of tongues and lips as Juice jumped into Chibs’ powerful arms. The older man held him tight as he spun them both around and let them to the nearest available surface. He threw Juice on the couch and began ripping through his clothes, working to get them off as quickly as possible while Juice did the same for him. There was very little tenderness in either of their touches but there was neediness and desire. It was wild and unleashed and it would have been pointless to resist.

Juice lifted his body so he could press against Chibs’ chest and meet his lips in a hungry kiss, his fingers curling in the greying hair. He moaned as Chibs moved his hands over every surface of skin available to him, squeezing but not bruising. When he took a proper look, he saw the marks left behind by Jax, the teeth marks and the blackening bruises and he met Juice’s hooded eyes. He couldn’t understand why the biker chose to let this happen to him rather than trust Chibs and it hurt him more deeply than taking a bullet.

He lowered his mouth to Juice’s neck and began systematically licking and kissing all the marks, his love showing through the gentleness of the act. Juice shook at the attention, unravelling at the unexpected affection. He didn’t think he deserved it but he was craving it too much to stop it. It was the only thing which had any hope of keeping Juice away from Mister Mayhem’s grasp and he loathe himself for putting that sort of pressure on Chibs. Juice hummed softly when Chibs began kissing down his chest, giving each nipple proper care, then moving down the line of his abdomen and stomach, finally licking a trail to Juice’s stiff cock.

This was new. Chibs had never sucked him off before and Juice’s eyes snapped open in surprise when he felt the hot mouth on his dick. All the times before he’d been the only one to give head and he’d never asked for the favour to be returned since he knew it made Chibs uncomfortable so he was very taken aback. Chibs’ beard was scratchy but not unpleasant on Juice’s sensitive skin. He could tell the man was new at this but Juice was ready to come undone anyway. The image of his cock inside Chibs’ mouth was something he’d only dared fantasise about. His fingers reached for the man’s hair as a long whine left his throat.

‘Chibs!... Stop, I’m about to cum!...’

Chibs drew back and Juice sucked in a steadying breath. Neither one of them wanted to be done yet and they took a minute to collect themselves. They lost themselves in the heat of each other’s mouths and Chibs guided Juice on his back. His hands returned to exploring the plains of muscles paying close mind to the inked portions because he knew how wild that drove Juice. He kissed the two skulls on his chest, stopping to feel his heart beat reverberate through his skin.

‘I want to ride you….’ Chibs arched an eyebrow at the request but he wasn’t opposed to it. The two adjusted their positions so Juice was straddling the larger man and he could look deep into his eyes.

‘What are you thinking Juicy? Why won’t you trust me?’ There was a pleading edge to his voice and Juice pressed his forehead against Chibs’, closing his eyes and letting himself be embraced.

‘I do but I can’t tell you everything. You’d hate me and I couldn’t live with that. I love you too much brother.’ But not enough to confide in him. The excuse irked Chibs because if Juice really loved him then he would know that Chibs could never hate him, not if he was honest with him. What pained the man even more was that whatever dark secret hung over Juice’s head, Jax knew. It was irrational and stupid but Chibs was jealous of his leader for knowing that vital piece of information.

‘I love you too Juicy.’ And he meant it as more than a brother. Juice smiled and it was an actual smile. Chibs hadn’t seen one of those on Juice’s face for far too long. He shared a tender, caring kiss with Juice before the younger man raised his hips and dropped on Chibs’ cock, swallowing him whole.

Juice was already loosened from his earlier fuck with Jax so he didn’t hold back. He rode Chibs hard, meeting each raise of the Scotsman’s hips so the sound of skin slapping skin filled the room. Groans, moans and the repetition of the man’s name spilled out of him in a senseless mixture of noises while Chibs held him close. He breathed in Juice’s scent, his lips open against his shoulder as the Puerto Rican buried his face into his hair. It didn’t take either one of them long to climax though they each tried to hold back. They knew this would most likely be the last time they did this… Once they finished, Chibs would hold true to his word and never open the door to Juice again, no matter how broken he was. Juice couldn’t hold back a stifled sob at the thought and his orgasm was bitter sweet.

Chibs had his hand on Juice’s erection and was moving it quickly to match their erotic hip movements. Juice called out Chibs name as cum shot out between their chests and his hole tightened around Chibs’ cock. It prompted the Scotsman to spill inside shortly after and they were both left gasping for air. Chibs continued to hold Juice close against him and the other made no attempt to move away.

Under normal circumstances he would have closed his eyes and dozed off until Chibs shook him so they could move to the bed but Juice knew he wasn’t spending the night. This was his last chance to feel the rhythmic pulse of Chibs’ blood against his skin or to drown in the scent of his aftershave mixed with leather and motor oil. He would miss the biker’s calming heat most of all. Juice didn’t know if he could live without it anymore, not for long anyway. He’d become addicted and much like a junkie there was only so long he could fight off the urge to get a fix. When that urge came a nocking what was he supposed to do?...

‘It’s time for you to go Juicy.’ Chibs’ voice was heavy but he drew back from the smaller man and got to his feet. He began to dress and reluctantly Juice did the same. Begging would do nothing except embarrass them both and Juice had too much respect for Chibs to become a pathetic mess in front of him again. Chibs had given him a choice and he’d dug his grave. Now he had to lay in it.

‘I never meant to hurt the club, or you. Just remember that okay?’

Juice glanced at Chibs from the door and the man nodded. Their gazes lingered on one another before Chibs closed the door and ended it all. A moment later he heard Juice’s footsteps fade away into the night and he shambled towards the kitchen. Good thing he still had a bottle of whiskey because he didn’t want to be sober that night…

**Author's Note:**

> Am I being being too mean to Juice?! Sigh, I'm still working on that happy ending so there's still hope!! I hope you enjoyed the read and let me know what you thought in the comments section below!! 
> 
> HAVE A NICE DAY!!


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